As we walked down to the bus stop Freddy said – “It feels like the first day of school.” As the bus pulled away, my stomach dropped and my heart broke. I thought for the second time since December 14th- she should be on that bus. I kept hearing Freddy’s voice and I can see that in so many ways he was right-
It does feel like the first day of school.
It is the same uneasiness and unknowing that children sometimes face on their first day of school- where will I sit, what will I do, will my teacher like me? For me it is the unknowing of what our first summer without Catherine will hold. It comes with so many “how’s” and “where’s” and “what’s.”
Summer- I would cherish the first day- a true lazy day- always our “Hip Hip Hooray PJ Day.” We would roll out the big piece of paper across the kitchen floor and create our summer bucket list. Then we had our plans for Adventure Wednesday- the day we choose something to do from the massive list. Most of the time it is a field trip of sorts- bowling, putt putt, or a movie. Other times projects like tie dyeing t-shirts or painting birdhouses. Regardless of what it was, we were together and that is all that really matters.
This year we will have a summer bucket list- Freddy and I. I am sure the list will include some of the things we always did combined with things that we have not. We will set out on Adventure Wednesdays. We have to. I know my heart will break when Catherine is not physically grabbing my hand as she skips toward our first excursion. We will continue on our adventures and I will call to her. I know that she will show us the how, where, and what. Together, Freddy and I will learn to see her in the smallest of things and feel her with us while we explore the wonders that fill this summer’s list.